and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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