Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
