just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
