Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
