Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
