we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
