That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
