No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
