my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
