just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
