I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
