New low: just hacked my moms facebook
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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