thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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