That's intense
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
