and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
