who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
