omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
