you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
