Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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