Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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