Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
And then he peed in my hair
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