I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
