butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
