remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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