I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
