Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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