Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
