Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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