and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
