what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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