I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
