Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
