The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
