someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
