The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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