I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
