sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
