Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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