I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
