i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
