I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
