At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
