whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It's never too late to be topless.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
