Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
