you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
third nipple confirmed
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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