I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
