Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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