I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
