the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
