Pappa wants mamma naked
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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