Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
